I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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