The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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