this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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