The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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