Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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