Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
