I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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