I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
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