I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
