I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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