He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i dont even know how to be here
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
