you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
