Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You've changed since you got that strap on
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
