I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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