i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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