I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
