Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
