Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
