You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
