i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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