there's paper in my vomit.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When did we convert life to cartoon?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
