Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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