Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
