I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize