he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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