it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I've blown a few things in my day
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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