My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
