You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
