I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
