i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I could fuck to npr.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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