idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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