If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
