She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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