she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You had me at "let me see your balls"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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