you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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