are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
