You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
