I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
