Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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