Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
