i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
