we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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