You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
