And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
