Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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