how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
