Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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