Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
