while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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