you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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