Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
