worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
