Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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