i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
