I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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