Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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