i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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